Eat, drink -- and buy
"Dashing through the snow, on a one-horse broken sleigh ..."
Or something like that. I'm working on a new verse for America the Beautiful and I thought it should be seasonal. But let me cast work aside to concentrate on giving thanks in this season to remember life's precious things.
Thank you for there being 35 more shopping days until Christmas. This year I am counting Thanksgiving because I hear there are some great bargains and plan to shop instead of eat with the kids. Besides, it will mean eliminating all those hours sitting around the table, swapping family stories.
Thank you, Santa, for being there early in the mall this year. How else could I drop $50 in a flash -- make that on a flashbulb or two? (I guess I could spend the money to fill my car).
Thank you stores for carrying a whole new line of GPS systems. They're so high tech and so much fun. And when the day comes for mine to be stolen, I hope it gets snatched by someone who is really directionally challenged, or at least needs the cash.
Thanks, above all, for the peace and tranquility in Iraq. Finally, the good news is making its way onto front pages and holiday news reports, months after those nasty news organizations had the decency to hide all that disgusting smoke and blood that ruined my kids' Cheerios.
Clearly we are doing something very right with the $500 million or so a day we're spending there. Just think about it. Why waste that money each day on, say, 5,000 more four-year college scholarships? Can't college students hold down a job these days?
Why fritter it away each day on something so frivilous as expanding children's health insurance for a full month. Didn't President Bush say we couldn't afford to cover any more kids when he vetoed that terribly costly Democratic bill, the $35 billion one for five years of expanded children's health insurance coverage.
It's a good thing the president showed fiscal restraint, too. Because a few days later we needed all that money and more -- $46 billion -- for a stopgap war spending bill to cover end of the year costs of supporting our troops overseas.
Why waste time worrying about health care for the 30,000 veterans maimed or broken in the war when we can spend it spreading freedom to our friends in Iraq? Consider: If progress continues there, by next year we might even want to build of a mall in Baghdad! (Pinch me, please.)
Thank you, too, for the latest Iowa political polls, which either show Barack ahead or behind or tied with Hillary, depending on which newscast you watch and how you interpret the numbers, which change just about every day anyway. It's much more fun to follow that horse race religiously than to know what anyone actually believes in or stands for.
Besides, I know I'm for Rudy. I like the way he stands by his friends when they're indicted.
But Rudy, a marketing tip from a fan. Would you consider putting out a Monopoly knock-off for the holidays? With pictures of Bernie Kerik on the get-out-of-jail free cards? It would be so 21st century. And it would give me something to add to my shopping list this holiday season.